1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,640 A CBS Studios production. 2 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:05,380 Austria 1526. 3 00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:08,480 You know how in vampire movies there's always that scene? 4 00:00:09,180 --> 00:00:12,740 The super romantic one where the woman begs the vampire she's dating to turn 5 00:00:12,740 --> 00:00:13,619 her into one too? 6 00:00:13,620 --> 00:00:15,420 So they can be together forever? 7 00:00:15,740 --> 00:00:17,360 So that we can be together forever. 8 00:00:18,260 --> 00:00:22,160 Eternity is no small matter, my darling Liz. Is it not enough that we lead a 9 00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:23,460 long and happy life together? 10 00:00:25,060 --> 00:00:26,060 What was that? 11 00:00:26,580 --> 00:00:28,740 What? The throat clear thing. 12 00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:30,360 I was not aware. 13 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,200 Perhaps my throat is a little dry. 14 00:00:32,420 --> 00:00:35,060 Lots of dust in these Austrian castles this time of year. 15 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:36,680 It matters not. 16 00:00:37,220 --> 00:00:40,500 See, Charles, even your quirks I cannot get enough of. 17 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:44,980 I want to wake up to that throat clear every morn and fall asleep in its warm 18 00:00:44,980 --> 00:00:47,360 embrace until the end of time. 19 00:00:47,740 --> 00:00:48,740 Oh, Liz. 20 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:52,180 Do it. 21 00:00:56,700 --> 00:00:58,500 A full moon glows in the dark sky. 22 00:01:01,660 --> 00:01:05,080 But what they never show you is what happens afterward. 23 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,160 I'm not talking right afterward. 24 00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:10,140 I'm talking way afterward. 25 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:12,360 Seattle, 500 years later. 26 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:14,980 In a large house, Charles and Liz sit in bed. 27 00:01:16,180 --> 00:01:19,280 She looks up from her phone as he reads a book. 28 00:01:21,740 --> 00:01:24,120 Oh my God, would you stop doing that? 29 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:26,280 I know you don't need to clear your throat. 30 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:29,740 You know you don't have to. The only reason you're doing it is because you 31 00:01:29,740 --> 00:01:31,280 know how much it annoys me. 32 00:01:31,740 --> 00:01:32,740 So sorry. 33 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:35,080 He goes back to his book and she eyes her phone. 34 00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:40,420 A title appears. 35 00:01:41,140 --> 00:01:42,140 Eternally yours. 36 00:01:42,380 --> 00:01:44,340 A young man takes his dog to the vet. 37 00:01:45,380 --> 00:01:47,780 This is the story of how I met Charles and Liz. 38 00:01:48,300 --> 00:01:51,680 But before I met them, I met the woman of my dreams. 39 00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:54,760 Yeah, I'm not feeling anything in his rectum. 40 00:01:55,220 --> 00:01:57,620 Huh. Yeah, I really think he swallowed something. 41 00:01:58,020 --> 00:01:59,020 It's possible. 42 00:01:59,300 --> 00:02:01,060 So is it possible that you just want to ask me out? 43 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:02,880 Excuse me? 44 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,040 You know, I have a degree. 45 00:02:04,180 --> 00:02:07,500 I went to school for this, but word gets out there's a new cute vet in town and 46 00:02:07,500 --> 00:02:09,500 all of a sudden the waiting room is filled with a bunch of creepers with 47 00:02:09,500 --> 00:02:10,418 borrowed cats. 48 00:02:10,419 --> 00:02:11,420 Uh-huh. 49 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:13,420 Um... His dog pukes out a toy. 50 00:02:15,100 --> 00:02:19,760 Uh... Or maybe I'm just a good guy that's concerned about his dog that I 51 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:22,750 rescued. Oh, God, you are good, aren't you? 52 00:02:23,090 --> 00:02:24,510 Wait, why do you have a toy fire truck? 53 00:02:24,750 --> 00:02:26,330 It's probably from the children's hospital. 54 00:02:26,830 --> 00:02:28,410 I trained him to be a therapy dog. 55 00:02:29,010 --> 00:02:31,190 Ugh, fine. Dinner Thursday. 56 00:02:31,710 --> 00:02:32,750 They both smile. 57 00:02:34,430 --> 00:02:36,370 Emma and I feel hard and quick. 58 00:02:36,710 --> 00:02:37,850 They kiss on a couch. 59 00:02:38,310 --> 00:02:39,730 I had never been happier. 60 00:02:39,970 --> 00:02:42,070 At a Social Security Administration office. 61 00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:45,130 My co-worker Benji was, however, skeptical. 62 00:02:45,470 --> 00:02:47,250 Dude, she's not married. Stop saying that. 63 00:02:47,470 --> 00:02:49,090 Well, something is very weird. 64 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:52,620 You've been together two months, she's never let you come to her house? No, 65 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,460 she's just messy and doesn't want me to see her place. 66 00:02:54,700 --> 00:02:57,200 Yeah, probably a lot of clutter and husbands lying around. 67 00:02:57,460 --> 00:02:58,560 He turns to his computer. 68 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:00,880 Huh, this is weird. 69 00:03:01,380 --> 00:03:04,120 Some guy's been collecting Social Security since the beginning of the 70 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:07,700 program. That would make him, like, 150 years old. 71 00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:09,820 Hmm, I wonder if he eats a lot of blueberries. 72 00:03:10,220 --> 00:03:13,600 I've been reading that's very good for you. No, Benji, this is obviously either 73 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:15,240 a mistake or some sort of fraud. 74 00:03:15,620 --> 00:03:18,220 I guess I should look into this. Well, I hope it's legit. 75 00:03:18,730 --> 00:03:21,710 Because if that blueberry thing is true, I'm golden. 76 00:03:21,970 --> 00:03:23,710 A man delivers a cooler to Charles. 77 00:03:24,630 --> 00:03:26,770 Pleasure doing business with you. Thank you. 78 00:03:27,670 --> 00:03:31,030 Say, do you ever wonder what we're doing with all this blood, Steve? 79 00:03:32,150 --> 00:03:33,570 No. Okay. 80 00:03:33,830 --> 00:03:36,390 See you again Wednesday. You want to hang out or something? I don't think so, 81 00:03:36,430 --> 00:03:37,430 Steve. We could go to the mall. 82 00:03:38,070 --> 00:03:39,070 Bye, Steve. 83 00:03:40,310 --> 00:03:44,130 Bro, we really need a more normal Craigslist guy willing to sell us his 84 00:03:44,130 --> 00:03:45,130 own blood. 85 00:03:45,150 --> 00:03:46,650 God, I miss feeding on humans. 86 00:03:46,890 --> 00:03:48,450 Oh, you know why we stopped, Charles. 87 00:03:48,690 --> 00:03:49,690 It's not nice. 88 00:03:49,850 --> 00:03:50,850 You know what's not nice? 89 00:03:50,930 --> 00:03:54,730 Never getting ahead at work because we have to move every few years so people 90 00:03:54,730 --> 00:03:56,470 don't find it weird that we don't age. 91 00:03:56,750 --> 00:03:59,330 Also not nice, only doing it on my birthday. 92 00:03:59,570 --> 00:04:00,810 Oh, wow, that's great. 93 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:02,740 Just mention that right in front of Jesse. 94 00:04:03,060 --> 00:04:05,420 Come on, we've all lived in the same coven for centuries. 95 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:10,260 Hardly any secrets between us. I know that he shaves his entire body and that 96 00:04:10,260 --> 00:04:11,420 this is all spray time. 97 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:15,000 Yeah, I'm a personal trainer and there are mirrors all over that gym. If I 98 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,740 don't spray, I'm just a tank top and a pair of weights moving up and down by 99 00:04:17,740 --> 00:04:22,040 themselves. Okay, I'm going to go back to the kitchen because I'm the only one 100 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:23,060 who does anything around here. 101 00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:24,300 Liz walks away. 102 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:26,460 This marriage is literally never ending. 103 00:04:26,820 --> 00:04:28,280 This will never end. 104 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:29,800 Can't even get a divorce? 105 00:04:29,900 --> 00:04:30,539 Mm-hmm. 106 00:04:30,540 --> 00:04:31,540 Vampires aren't allowed. 107 00:04:31,620 --> 00:04:34,200 Council of elders will drive a stake through your heart and chop you into a 108 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:35,200 thousand pieces. 109 00:04:36,020 --> 00:04:37,020 It is an out. 110 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:41,200 You see, this is why I only marry humans. You have fun till they croak, 111 00:04:41,220 --> 00:04:42,220 and then you get a new model. 112 00:04:42,420 --> 00:04:44,360 Right. How's that working out for you? 113 00:04:44,980 --> 00:04:47,760 People are living a little longer than they did back in the day. 114 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:50,540 Sweetie, have you seen my reading glasses? 115 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:52,320 They're on your head, babe. 116 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:53,680 Oh. 117 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,100 Love you. I love you more. 118 00:04:56,860 --> 00:04:58,320 Jesse kisses the older woman. 119 00:04:58,760 --> 00:04:59,760 Two teen boys enter. 120 00:05:00,180 --> 00:05:01,580 I didn't do it on purpose. 121 00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:03,280 You never do. That's not the point. 122 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,020 No, no, look, I said I'm sorry, Mort. Hey, hey, hey, hey, what's the problem? 123 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:10,680 The problem is the only girl I like in the entire school is in love with Henry. 124 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:14,600 I don't get it, Dad. He's not even funny. He just stares off and says stuff 125 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:16,400 like, there's so much pain in the world. 126 00:05:17,100 --> 00:05:18,100 It hurts sometimes. 127 00:05:18,980 --> 00:05:20,020 And we're twins. 128 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:23,400 How come he gets all the good traits? Super strength, super speed? 129 00:05:23,900 --> 00:05:27,140 I mean, I'm half vampire, too, and all I get is can't go out in the sun. 130 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:30,340 Hey, we are working on developing some of your powers, right? 131 00:05:30,780 --> 00:05:32,560 Plus, you can read the dog's mind. 132 00:05:32,820 --> 00:05:34,020 No one else has that. 133 00:05:34,220 --> 00:05:35,260 Right. Wonderful. 134 00:05:35,980 --> 00:05:36,980 What's that, Argus? 135 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:38,740 Huge news, everyone. 136 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:40,500 He's hungry again. 137 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,940 What does he mean, half vampire? 138 00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:44,199 Here we go. 139 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:45,520 Is that why none of you age? 140 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:46,960 It's not just good genes? 141 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:48,480 Are you all vampires? 142 00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:50,540 Are vampires real? 143 00:05:50,860 --> 00:05:53,060 Mort, what did I say about talking like that in front of your mom? 144 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:54,980 Now I got a wiper. What? 145 00:05:56,220 --> 00:05:59,460 You didn't hear anything, Phyllis. 146 00:06:00,540 --> 00:06:04,520 Oh, hey, guys. How was school? It was good. It was good. All right, can we eat 147 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:06,760 now? In a bit. 148 00:06:07,180 --> 00:06:09,500 How long does it take to pour blood into some glasses? 149 00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:10,800 Oh, I'm sorry. 150 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:14,180 I thought we'd wait for our daughter so we could eat together as a family 151 00:06:14,180 --> 00:06:16,800 because some of us actually enjoy talking to each other. 152 00:06:17,220 --> 00:06:18,220 Here she comes. 153 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:20,100 Hey, guys, sorry I'm late. 154 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:22,160 And now you know what I would come to learn. 155 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:25,040 My girlfriend was a vampire. 156 00:06:25,380 --> 00:06:28,300 Oh, did Steve have steak this week? That blood smells delicious. 157 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:29,920 Emma smiles. 158 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:34,120 At the dinner table. 159 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:37,040 Another triumph, Phyllis. Really? Here, here. 160 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:42,080 Scrumptious. So good, Mom. Thank you. Sounds good, babe. The vampires feed 161 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:43,080 Argus under the table. 162 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:48,080 Charles, what is that marble bust of you doing in here? I thought we said it was 163 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:49,080 going in your office. 164 00:06:49,380 --> 00:06:50,600 Fine, I'll move it back. 165 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,200 I think it looks nice. It's a statement piece. 166 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:54,440 I agree. 167 00:06:54,820 --> 00:06:56,760 If the statement is that you're a narcissist. 168 00:06:57,280 --> 00:06:58,099 I'm sorry? 169 00:06:58,100 --> 00:06:59,700 Huh? Huh? What? 170 00:07:00,660 --> 00:07:05,000 I'd like to make a toast to my boys, Henry and Mort, who combined for 52 171 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:08,260 points and 34 rebounds last night, leading the Wildcats to victory. 172 00:07:08,580 --> 00:07:11,680 We play games while the world is at war. 173 00:07:12,460 --> 00:07:15,360 Dad, I know you're trying to be nice, but everyone knows I'm not on the 174 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:19,220 basketball team. So when you say combined... Still technically true. 175 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:20,920 I love you boys. 176 00:07:21,140 --> 00:07:22,140 Salud. Cheers. 177 00:07:23,820 --> 00:07:27,600 The vampires look satisfied as they drink blood. 178 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:30,700 Yep. Mama. 179 00:07:31,860 --> 00:07:32,860 Phyllis smiles. 180 00:07:33,100 --> 00:07:35,320 You guys really love your tomato juice. 181 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:38,080 Later. Mom, can I ask you something? 182 00:07:38,380 --> 00:07:40,020 Do you ever regret getting with Dad? 183 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:45,040 I mean, I wish I'd asked a few more questions before rushing into the whole 184 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:46,320 thing. Like... 185 00:07:46,590 --> 00:07:50,050 I never even realized that two undead people couldn't make a baby together. 186 00:07:50,430 --> 00:07:55,930 But then a miracle happened, and we came across this amazing little orphan baby 187 00:07:55,930 --> 00:07:59,170 girl that we fell in love with and raised as our own. 188 00:07:59,390 --> 00:08:02,650 And then turned into a vampire without asking her? To save you from diphtheria, 189 00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:03,529 you're welcome. 190 00:08:03,530 --> 00:08:06,150 The point is, no, I do not regret marrying your father. 191 00:08:06,690 --> 00:08:08,930 I just wish things were more like how they used to be. 192 00:08:09,150 --> 00:08:12,790 Okay, so why don't you work on your problems instead of sniping at each 193 00:08:12,790 --> 00:08:15,050 other all the time? I would love to work on things, Emma. 194 00:08:15,550 --> 00:08:19,470 I've been trying to get your father to go back to therapy again. He hated the 195 00:08:19,470 --> 00:08:20,289 first time. 196 00:08:20,290 --> 00:08:24,430 I have to say, I'm feeling rather blamed right now, Dr. Freud. You just keep 197 00:08:24,430 --> 00:08:25,430 taking her side. 198 00:08:25,550 --> 00:08:26,550 That's enough for today. 199 00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:29,490 This week, be kind to each other, yeah? 200 00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:33,370 And Charles, try to suppress your desire to sleep with your own mother. 201 00:08:33,789 --> 00:08:36,010 He keeps saying that. Why does he keep saying that? 202 00:08:37,549 --> 00:08:40,970 So I have to finish up this one work thing and then I could swing by after 203 00:08:40,970 --> 00:08:42,190 and pick you up for the movie? 204 00:08:42,429 --> 00:08:43,669 Why don't I just meet you there? 205 00:08:43,970 --> 00:08:47,150 Emma, what is going on? Why won't you ever let me come to your house? 206 00:08:48,690 --> 00:08:51,510 Whatever you're hiding, you don't have to be afraid to tell me. 207 00:08:51,730 --> 00:08:54,250 My family, we're just different. 208 00:08:54,690 --> 00:08:55,990 I'll understand, I promise. 209 00:08:58,110 --> 00:08:59,910 Okay, Max. 210 00:09:00,570 --> 00:09:01,830 The truth is... 211 00:09:06,190 --> 00:09:07,190 We're Canadian. 212 00:09:07,950 --> 00:09:10,010 What? Why would I care about that? 213 00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:11,250 It's not you. 214 00:09:11,430 --> 00:09:12,430 It's my father. 215 00:09:12,730 --> 00:09:16,330 He just won't like me dating someone not like us. 216 00:09:16,670 --> 00:09:18,470 Okay. You want to wait, we'll wait. 217 00:09:18,690 --> 00:09:21,510 But when they finally meet me, I promise you they're going to love me. 218 00:09:21,810 --> 00:09:22,810 All right, I got to go. 219 00:09:22,970 --> 00:09:24,470 I'll see you later, you hoser. 220 00:09:25,610 --> 00:09:27,530 What? Emma looks confused. 221 00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:32,550 Charles opens the door to Max. 222 00:09:33,430 --> 00:09:34,430 Can I help you? 223 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:37,560 Hi, my name is Max Marshall. I'm a criminal investigator with the U.S. 224 00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:38,560 Social Security Administration. 225 00:09:39,180 --> 00:09:43,480 It's come to our attention that a Jesse Blythe listed to this address has been 226 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:45,320 collecting benefits since 1935. 227 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:47,360 Is that weird? 228 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,560 It's probably just a clerical error, but I'm going to have to speak with all of 229 00:09:50,560 --> 00:09:51,760 you and ask you some questions. 230 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:56,260 Yeah, actually, you will now be on your way because everything is fine. 231 00:09:56,660 --> 00:09:58,380 Jesse waves his hand in front of Max. 232 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,860 Right, that's what I was trying to determine. 233 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:03,100 Why did you do that thing with your hand? 234 00:10:03,630 --> 00:10:05,210 Does that only work on weak-minded people? 235 00:10:05,670 --> 00:10:08,830 Or is my mom weak-minded because my dad does that to her so much? 236 00:10:09,230 --> 00:10:10,350 It's a little of both. 237 00:10:10,830 --> 00:10:12,130 Obviously, it's a misunderstanding. 238 00:10:12,650 --> 00:10:16,170 Jesse is a young man. Do we really need to jump through these hoops? 239 00:10:16,390 --> 00:10:18,570 Look, I don't want to be here any more than you all want me here. 240 00:10:18,790 --> 00:10:22,190 I mean, I'm honestly only doing this to put myself through grad school, getting 241 00:10:22,190 --> 00:10:23,190 my master's in psychology. 242 00:10:23,670 --> 00:10:24,670 Psychology? 243 00:10:24,910 --> 00:10:27,290 So, you're sort of like a therapist? 244 00:10:27,810 --> 00:10:28,810 Well, studying to be one. 245 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:32,680 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Hey, would you mind if my husband and I were interviewed 246 00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:33,680 together? 247 00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:35,260 Liz leads Max inside. 248 00:10:36,900 --> 00:10:41,480 And sometimes I feel like Charles is listening, but he's not hearing me. 249 00:10:42,780 --> 00:10:45,880 So to answer your question, three months. We've lived here for three 250 00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:48,640 months. Uh-huh. And what do you two do for work? 251 00:10:48,900 --> 00:10:50,780 Well, Charles is in financial planning. 252 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:52,680 So you think we'll have enough for retirement? 253 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:57,580 Absolutely. The good news is most retirements only last 20 years, and then 254 00:10:57,580 --> 00:10:58,580 you get to die. 255 00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:01,300 Get to die? Do not take that for granted. 256 00:11:01,820 --> 00:11:04,860 And I am a professor of history at Seattle College. 257 00:11:05,460 --> 00:11:07,340 Although Charles isn't supportive. 258 00:11:07,660 --> 00:11:12,040 In fact, he's against the whole idea of a woman working. I'm sorry, it was just 259 00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:13,620 unheard of where I grew up. 260 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:19,480 In Cincinnati in the early 90s? All I'm saying is I make enough money that it's 261 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:20,439 not necessary. 262 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:23,180 Okay, tell us, Max, as a therapist... 263 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:24,680 Who do you think is right? 264 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:28,300 Okay, again, I'm not a therapist yet. And also, therapists don't really pick 265 00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:30,100 sides. Can I tell you guys a story? 266 00:11:30,660 --> 00:11:32,020 My parents loved to dance. 267 00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:33,940 They met at a high school dance, actually. 268 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:36,780 But as the years went by, they stopped. 269 00:11:37,020 --> 00:11:38,200 Their life got in the way. 270 00:11:38,540 --> 00:11:41,000 So for their anniversary, I got them tango lessons. 271 00:11:41,380 --> 00:11:42,980 And it reminded them how they used to be. 272 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:46,760 Charles, Liz, whatever it was that you loved to do when you were first 273 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:49,100 together, rediscover that passion. 274 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:50,880 Find your dance. 275 00:11:51,950 --> 00:11:55,450 But if you, like, had to pick a winner of the therapy... I'd pick Liz. 276 00:11:55,690 --> 00:11:58,070 Yes. Fine. We done here? We good? 277 00:11:58,290 --> 00:12:01,670 Yeah, so long as everything checks out with, uh, Jesse and Phyllis. 278 00:12:02,670 --> 00:12:05,870 I-I-I'm sorry. Can you just go through the timeline again one more time? 279 00:12:06,090 --> 00:12:08,630 Okay. Well, we met in 1989. 280 00:12:08,830 --> 00:12:09,950 We were both 28. 281 00:12:10,290 --> 00:12:14,410 Uh-huh. I mean, I know he looks young, but that's because he works out a lot. 282 00:12:14,850 --> 00:12:17,030 Right. Plus, uh, supplements. 283 00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:18,770 Like, a lot of supplements. 284 00:12:18,990 --> 00:12:20,750 Exactly. Max takes notes. 285 00:12:21,530 --> 00:12:24,250 This isn't good. He's not satisfied with these answers. 286 00:12:24,470 --> 00:12:25,790 Oh, I don't want to move again. 287 00:12:26,190 --> 00:12:27,390 I love Seattle. 288 00:12:27,770 --> 00:12:31,330 We really can go outside almost every day because of the cloud cover. Didn't 289 00:12:31,330 --> 00:12:34,130 want to watch that stupid Twilight movie, but they really nailed it. 290 00:12:34,610 --> 00:12:37,430 Aw, she wants to be with him forever. 291 00:12:37,950 --> 00:12:38,950 That's sweet. 292 00:12:39,070 --> 00:12:40,070 Don't do it. Huge mistake. 293 00:12:40,290 --> 00:12:41,570 Get out of there, Edward. 294 00:12:41,810 --> 00:12:42,810 Go for the werewolf. 295 00:12:43,770 --> 00:12:44,770 We're not moving. 296 00:12:45,550 --> 00:12:46,750 We're going to kill him. 297 00:12:47,210 --> 00:12:48,510 Are you out of your mind? 298 00:12:48,730 --> 00:12:52,230 We're backed into a corner. Plus, don't you miss hunting and feeding? 299 00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:57,210 Oh, remember those nights long ago? The anticipation, the chase, the blood 300 00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:59,570 pumping into our veins as we sucked it up. 301 00:12:59,930 --> 00:13:03,550 Pumping, sucking, pumping, sucking. 302 00:13:03,850 --> 00:13:05,150 We did have fun. 303 00:13:05,590 --> 00:13:06,590 That's it. 304 00:13:06,830 --> 00:13:10,470 That Max fellow said it himself. Find our dance, darling. 305 00:13:10,770 --> 00:13:12,530 Hunting and feeding on humans. 306 00:13:13,070 --> 00:13:14,210 That's our dance. 307 00:13:14,590 --> 00:13:16,010 Wait, bro, you're not getting it. 308 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:20,460 Again? I was born on a leap year. I'm sorry. There's just too many 309 00:13:20,460 --> 00:13:22,680 inconsistencies. We're going to have to open a wider inquiry. 310 00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:24,100 We'll be in touch. 311 00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:27,020 Hey, guys. I think I showed you a bag of blood earlier. 312 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:28,240 Not now, Steve. 313 00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:29,300 Want to play some board games? 314 00:13:30,180 --> 00:13:32,760 What the... Oh. 315 00:13:36,980 --> 00:13:40,720 So sorry about this. You know we're not really bad people. 316 00:13:41,660 --> 00:13:42,660 Wait, are we eating him? 317 00:13:42,940 --> 00:13:43,940 Let me go get the boys. 318 00:13:44,140 --> 00:13:45,460 The boys? No. 319 00:13:45,820 --> 00:13:46,820 No, no, no, no, no. 320 00:13:47,620 --> 00:13:53,640 You know what? I'm dismissing this case. You guys are totally going to go in the 321 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:54,820 eyes of the U.S. Social Security Administration. 322 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:57,320 What's going on? 323 00:13:58,400 --> 00:13:59,880 Max? Emma walks in. 324 00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:04,180 Emma? You know him? This is my boyfriend, Max. 325 00:14:05,020 --> 00:14:06,240 Max, these are my parents. 326 00:14:08,220 --> 00:14:09,220 We're not Canadian. 327 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:12,560 Liz turns to Max and shuts her mouth over her fangs. 328 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:14,080 Hey. 329 00:14:14,260 --> 00:14:17,520 In the living room, Max sips tea as he sits with Emma, Liz, and Charles. 330 00:14:20,140 --> 00:14:24,180 So, Michigan undergrad, right? That's a good school. 331 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:25,860 I'm sorry, maybe I should go. 332 00:14:26,380 --> 00:14:27,680 Can I go? I'd like to go. 333 00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:30,140 Dad, you're not saying anything. He doesn't feel welcome. 334 00:14:30,340 --> 00:14:31,560 Yeah, it's not just that. 335 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:34,400 What is it, the almost killing you thing? Everyone said they were sorry. 336 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:37,280 What do you want me to say, Emma? I don't want you dating a human. 337 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,140 And worse, you lied about it. 338 00:14:39,340 --> 00:14:41,020 I knew you'd react this way. Well, you were right. 339 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:42,560 He's not one of us. 340 00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:43,800 What about Ivan? 341 00:14:44,030 --> 00:14:47,530 Dad, we broke up. You can work it out. He's got his own business. 342 00:14:47,730 --> 00:14:48,730 He's a vampire. 343 00:14:48,890 --> 00:14:50,010 Who still feeds on humans. 344 00:14:50,870 --> 00:14:53,170 Occasionally. And even then, only the really evil ones. 345 00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:55,070 He ate a guy for cutting him off in traffic. 346 00:14:55,350 --> 00:14:56,790 They can't all be the worst of the worst. 347 00:14:57,010 --> 00:15:00,490 Sorry, is this having a jealous type? Okay, I would like you to leave now, 348 00:15:00,570 --> 00:15:03,150 please. And if you say anything, we'll kill you. 349 00:15:03,610 --> 00:15:07,470 Yeah, nice meeting you. Max, wait. Oh, Max recoils. I can't touch you now. 350 00:15:07,670 --> 00:15:09,190 Sorry, Emma, I just... 351 00:15:09,689 --> 00:15:13,150 Today's just been a really long, really weird day, and I kind of want to go 352 00:15:13,150 --> 00:15:15,950 home, okay? I mean, I just found out that vampires are real and that my 353 00:15:15,950 --> 00:15:18,290 girlfriend's one, so if someone could just unbolt the door with their mind, 354 00:15:18,350 --> 00:15:19,309 I'm ready to leave. 355 00:15:19,310 --> 00:15:20,310 Charles tilts his head. 356 00:15:20,850 --> 00:15:24,370 Okay, very nice to meet... Max hurries off. 357 00:15:26,070 --> 00:15:29,510 Thanks a lot, Dad. I know this is hard right now, but trust me, it's for the 358 00:15:29,510 --> 00:15:32,530 best. You don't get it. I've been dating for two centuries. 359 00:15:33,260 --> 00:15:37,740 I know how hard it is to find someone like Max. He's funny and kind and close 360 00:15:37,740 --> 00:15:40,500 to his mom, but not to the point where it's weird, which is a very tough needle 361 00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:41,279 to thread. 362 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:44,300 Point is, I finally found someone and you ruined it. 363 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:47,120 I am the head of this coven and I have spoken. 364 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:48,900 You are being so unfair. 365 00:15:49,180 --> 00:15:51,920 Well, life is tough and then you continue to not die. 366 00:15:52,420 --> 00:15:53,420 Emma walks out. 367 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:56,660 Ivan had great hair. 368 00:15:57,020 --> 00:15:58,480 Ivan ate the mailman, Charles. 369 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:00,380 And we got a new one. 370 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:03,140 At night, Max watches TV at his apartment. 371 00:16:04,820 --> 00:16:06,820 His small black and white dog looks up. 372 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:10,180 Max goes to the door and halts as he spots Liz outside. 373 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:12,260 He opens it and she smiles. 374 00:16:13,660 --> 00:16:14,660 Hello, Max. 375 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:16,320 Liz, what are you doing here? 376 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:17,960 I think we need to speak. 377 00:16:18,780 --> 00:16:19,920 Yeah, okay, sure. 378 00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:23,140 Um, you have to formally invite me in. 379 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:24,620 Oh, that's really a thing. 380 00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:26,780 I've seen the movies and stuff. 381 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:28,419 Please come in. 382 00:16:28,420 --> 00:16:30,060 Don't worry, I won't offer you any garlic. 383 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:32,140 That's actually a very offensive stereotype. 384 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:33,720 Oh, sorry. 385 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:36,020 She follows him into his apartment. 386 00:16:38,340 --> 00:16:41,780 Look, I'm sure today was very traumatic, and I don't blame you if you never want 387 00:16:41,780 --> 00:16:44,920 to see us or Emma again, but I think that would be a huge mistake. 388 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:48,040 I have never seen Emma feel this way about someone before. 389 00:16:48,260 --> 00:16:49,780 The way she talks about you. 390 00:16:50,380 --> 00:16:52,620 Yeah, I mean, Liz, I'm crazy about your daughter. 391 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,180 And honestly... 392 00:16:54,670 --> 00:16:57,030 I can maybe even get past the fact that she's a vampire. 393 00:16:57,530 --> 00:17:00,610 I mean, do you know what it's like out there on the apps for guys under six 394 00:17:00,610 --> 00:17:04,829 feet? Haven't dated since the 1500s, so sort of just missed the whole apps 395 00:17:04,829 --> 00:17:05,890 thing. Right. 396 00:17:06,510 --> 00:17:10,030 All that aside, it's just... It's Charles. 397 00:17:10,410 --> 00:17:15,550 I mean, he said he was going to kill me, so that kind of seems like... an 398 00:17:15,550 --> 00:17:16,550 obstacle. 399 00:17:16,849 --> 00:17:18,790 Max, I know this man. 400 00:17:19,790 --> 00:17:20,910 He's from another time. 401 00:17:21,170 --> 00:17:23,609 He sees you as weak and modern. 402 00:17:24,619 --> 00:17:28,720 He expects you to cave to his threats, but he'll respect you for not giving up. 403 00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:33,100 Trust me. And if he, like, tries to murder me? 404 00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:34,860 I'll make sure it's quick and painless. 405 00:17:35,140 --> 00:17:37,660 What? I mean, I'll stop him. I will stop him. 406 00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:41,040 Max looks thoughtful. 407 00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:44,020 At the house, Jesse controls a pencil with his mind. 408 00:17:45,260 --> 00:17:51,580 Telekinesis is all about clearing your mind and making the object go where you 409 00:17:51,580 --> 00:17:53,760 want. Wow. 410 00:17:54,610 --> 00:17:55,610 Now you try. 411 00:17:55,670 --> 00:17:57,650 Mort strains as he stares at the pencil. 412 00:17:59,190 --> 00:18:00,190 Concentrate. 413 00:18:01,390 --> 00:18:02,390 You got this, buddy. 414 00:18:02,650 --> 00:18:03,950 The pencil remains still. 415 00:18:06,330 --> 00:18:07,330 It's too hard. 416 00:18:07,450 --> 00:18:09,170 No, no, no. I think it moved a little. 417 00:18:09,470 --> 00:18:10,449 Come on, Dad. 418 00:18:10,450 --> 00:18:14,410 Hey, powers don't always just happen. You have to work at them, and I believe 419 00:18:14,410 --> 00:18:15,289 in you. 420 00:18:15,290 --> 00:18:16,490 Thanks, Dad. Of course. 421 00:18:17,970 --> 00:18:18,949 What's that, boy? 422 00:18:18,950 --> 00:18:20,190 Mort looks at the hound dog. 423 00:18:20,810 --> 00:18:22,590 Well, that's just not very supportive, Argus. 424 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:26,120 Max arrives at the vampire's large brick house. 425 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:29,180 Charles, it's me, Max. 426 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,660 There's something we need to discuss, so let me in, please. 427 00:18:33,020 --> 00:18:35,140 Okay. You know what? I invite myself in. 428 00:18:35,660 --> 00:18:37,020 Or wait, that's not a thing. Sorry. 429 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:39,440 The point is, we need to talk. 430 00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:40,720 He won't go away. 431 00:18:41,340 --> 00:18:44,780 He's like the plague, which I witnessed and preferred. 432 00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:49,340 Oh, hi, Max. What a surprise to see you. 433 00:18:49,740 --> 00:18:51,100 Come on in, Charles. 434 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:56,720 I thought I made myself clear you should not come back here. 435 00:18:56,920 --> 00:19:01,820 You did, but I am standing up to you, which I believe might impress you. 436 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:06,240 That was a severe miscalculation. Really? Come on, Charles. It was pretty 437 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:09,500 brave of him to just show up like this. It doesn't change the fact that he's 438 00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:11,280 human. I may have a solution. 439 00:19:11,940 --> 00:19:13,340 What if we make Max a vampire? 440 00:19:13,660 --> 00:19:14,660 Are you insane? 441 00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:18,020 No, that's not a bad idea. It's sort of a win-win. Everybody gets what they 442 00:19:18,020 --> 00:19:20,100 want. Yeah, I don't really want to be a vampire. 443 00:19:20,340 --> 00:19:21,340 Max, please stay out of this. 444 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:22,700 I don't want him to be one either. 445 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,600 Uncle Charles, you said him being human was the whole problem. 446 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:26,800 I was being nice. 447 00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:30,920 You all want me to say it? I don't like him. And being stuck with Max forever, 448 00:19:31,100 --> 00:19:32,560 not the solution I was looking for. 449 00:19:33,460 --> 00:19:37,780 Yes, you got this, Mort. Come on, come on, move, damn it. 450 00:19:37,980 --> 00:19:41,680 As Mort stares at the pencil, the bust of Charles starts to shake nearby. 451 00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:46,200 What about your daughter? This should be about what she wants. 452 00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:51,200 At least let them date. Why is this so important to you, Liz? Because we used 453 00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:52,400 to be Max and Emma. 454 00:19:53,270 --> 00:19:54,330 Don't you see that? 455 00:19:55,810 --> 00:19:56,990 What are you talking about? 456 00:19:57,210 --> 00:20:01,170 When we started dating, the head of your coven forbade you from seeing me, but 457 00:20:01,170 --> 00:20:02,430 then you stood up to him. 458 00:20:03,050 --> 00:20:05,050 Because back then, you believed in love. 459 00:20:06,210 --> 00:20:12,210 I know, eternity has not been easy, but I thought... I hope 460 00:20:12,210 --> 00:20:15,590 that deep down, maybe that Charles was still in you. 461 00:20:16,650 --> 00:20:17,910 But I guess I was wrong. 462 00:20:19,390 --> 00:20:20,390 Liz, wait. 463 00:20:22,570 --> 00:20:29,290 If it's really that important to you, I guess... They 464 00:20:29,290 --> 00:20:32,470 can keep dating. Seriously? 465 00:20:34,030 --> 00:20:38,510 But if he hurts her in any way, we eat him. 466 00:20:38,850 --> 00:20:40,450 Sure thing, Charles. You got it. 467 00:20:40,710 --> 00:20:41,710 Wait, what? He's kidding. 468 00:20:42,350 --> 00:20:44,450 And there you have it. 469 00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:46,290 It was a real-life happy ending. 470 00:20:46,910 --> 00:20:50,150 That is to say, I was happy right when it ended. 471 00:20:52,709 --> 00:20:53,790 Let's go. Come on. 472 00:20:54,130 --> 00:20:55,970 Move it. Move the pencil. 473 00:20:56,890 --> 00:20:57,990 Come on, Mort. Let's go. 474 00:20:59,210 --> 00:21:00,210 Max? 475 00:21:02,430 --> 00:21:03,430 Are you okay, Max? 476 00:21:03,710 --> 00:21:05,050 Oh, my God. My bust. 477 00:21:06,210 --> 00:21:07,510 Oh, no. 478 00:21:08,450 --> 00:21:10,170 Where the hell did that come from? 479 00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:15,850 Mort moved it with his brain all the way across the damn house. My boy. 480 00:21:16,530 --> 00:21:18,130 I was just trying to move a pencil. 481 00:21:18,390 --> 00:21:19,510 I mean, we have to get him to a hospital. 482 00:21:19,710 --> 00:21:21,550 There's no time. I think he stopped breathing. 483 00:21:22,140 --> 00:21:24,340 Hey, what if we turn him into a vampire? 484 00:21:25,120 --> 00:21:26,200 I mean, that would fix this. 485 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:28,020 What do people think of that? 486 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:31,000 He might pull through. 487 00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:34,740 Charles? I already said yes to the letting them date thing. I mean, that's 488 00:21:34,740 --> 00:21:35,820 a lot of growth for one day. 489 00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:37,520 Please. 490 00:21:39,660 --> 00:21:40,660 Fine. 491 00:21:40,860 --> 00:21:44,180 And that's how I joined my new family. 492 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:45,480 The day I died. 493 00:21:45,620 --> 00:21:47,500 I guess technically they made me undead. 494 00:21:48,180 --> 00:21:49,640 You're doing the right thing, Charles. 495 00:21:50,330 --> 00:21:53,350 This is the man I married. He flashes a bloody smile. 496 00:21:53,650 --> 00:21:54,529 Thanks, Liz. 497 00:21:54,530 --> 00:21:55,590 Has it been smooth sailing? 498 00:21:56,050 --> 00:21:57,050 Not always. 499 00:21:57,210 --> 00:21:58,970 But all families have their problems. 500 00:21:59,790 --> 00:22:03,070 Our problems just happen to last forever. 501 00:22:03,430 --> 00:22:04,470 Max opens his eyes. 502 00:22:05,310 --> 00:22:06,310 Oh, my God! 503 00:22:06,670 --> 00:22:08,430 Why is that man lying on the ground? 504 00:22:08,750 --> 00:22:11,570 I got this. Why does Charles have fangs? It's okay, baby. 505 00:22:11,810 --> 00:22:12,850 What is happening? 506 00:22:13,190 --> 00:22:15,230 It's okay, baby. Come here. Jesse wipes Phyllis. 507 00:22:15,750 --> 00:22:16,870 Phyllis? He didn't see anything. 508 00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:20,720 Oh hey sweetie, how was the gym? Oh it was so good.